The shortest month is the longest

February 2014 is certainly going down as one for the books. In a nutshell here’s what happened this month:

I was hit by a snow plow; got whiplash, bruises, and soreness from said accident; discovered my sister is having a boy; had my aunt admitted to the hospital for a body infection; she’s since gotten well enough to go home; fell behind on my revisions; had to begin handwriting my revisions just to get something done; started cutting back on vanilla lattes and instead switched to chai tea with soy milk; had my brand new car (6 days old) totaled due to the accident when we thought for a week that it was going to be repairable; got promoted at work; suffered endless headaches due to the stress all of this accident aftermath has caused; fell behind on workout routine due to accident; preparing to file a lawsuit against the plow driver and his company; celebrated my sister’s and best friend’s birthday; figuring out a day to go get another new car; waiting with baited breath for this month to be over

February has indeed thrown a shit ton of stuff my way. It’s tested my limits and pushed me to the brink of insanity. Even when I got good news like the promotion and reveal of my nephew I could barely process it since my brain was too preoccupied with the bad. My family has been incredibly supportive, helping me as I trudge through this muddy mess. I know I will come out on top stronger and more experienced, but my God… Enough is enough, February.

The victims have been bled

White on white translucent black capes
Back on the back

Bela Lugosi’s dead
The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box

Bela Lugosi’s dead
Bela Lugosi’s dead
Undead undead undead
Undead undead undead

The darkness of my mind

My faults are my own
They will forever be cruel
Shoving me into oblivion
Do not follow
I would never wish this for you
Let me sink
No matter how far I fall
I still see your face
On the edge
You wait
Do not jump in after me
Just be there with open arms
I’ll resurface in time
Knowing that you are there
I always will

The year that will be…

…the most epic yet.

That’s right. I plan on making 2014 the year in which I grab the world and make it my bitch. Well, maybe not so much, but I plan on making this one memorable and I have plenty of things that should no doubt help me do so.

My sister will give birth to her first child in June/July, adding the title of “Aunt” before my name for the first time. I’ve had plenty of cousins, but this little one is going to be my sun, my center, and my drive to truly become a better person.

I recently rearranged my room, plan on rearranging my writing room in a month or two, and am in the market for a new job. I also have a lot of fresh story ideas brewing and am about to embark on the revisions of my latest novel. I want to publish more of my hidden poetry (even if they don’t make sense to anyone else), take more selfies and pictures in general, and reach out to people I haven’t had contact with in months/years. I also want to get out and explore more.

This is the first time I’ve really believed the days to come are going to be amazing and though there will be a few bad eggs among them, I know I will get back on my feet and take on 2014 with the fierce determination so many people say I possess.

A bit late to the party, but welcome 2014. I hope you’re ready to walk side-by-side with me.

Do you still believe in one another?

Hey brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover
Hey sister, know the water’s sweet but blood is thicker
Oh if the sky comes falling down
For you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do

What if I’m far from home?
Oh brother I will hear you call
What if I lose it all?
Oh sister I will help you out
Oh if the sky comes falling down
For you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do

R.I.P. Ned Vizzini

Rest In Peace, Ned Vizzini (1981 – 2013)
A talent lost too soon. Your stories will not be forgotten.

The Words ring true


I finally got around to seeing The Words and my god, it hurt. It hurt a lot because it holds true to the hard road we—as aspiring writers—put ourselves through.

The road to publication, hell, the road to getting an agent (getting our foot in the door), is one of the toughest, loneliest, and longest roads a writer will ever take. When Bradley Cooper’s character meets with an agent and is told his writing is stellar, honest, and real, but the book itself is not marketable was so hard to watch. You literally saw his face go from complete elation to hollow emptiness. Any writer who has submitted to agents/publishers and has been rejected knows this feeling all too well.

One of my favorite lines goes something like Rory’s (Bradley Cooper) book was met with “rejection, disinterest, and the loudest sound of all: silence.”

Then this scene in which he just snapped at a friend because he’s hurt and is being comforted by his wife kills me all the more. What he says hit so close to home. I’ve had agents tell me my writing is solid, my writing is honest, that I have talent and a bright future, but the story is “not right for the moment.” And every time I read those words I felt sucker punched.

Yet, we eventually pick ourselves up and trudge on. Why? Because we seem to enjoy the pain, the suffering, the constant feeling that you’re not good enough. Maybe it assists our craft, maybe it’s because we know the payoff in the end is worth the struggle. Maybe we’re just crazy. All I know is that if you keep getting rejected, but keep submitting and perfecting your work, I have no doubt you will make it. I know I will.

Basically, if you’re a writer in the process of looking for an agent/publisher or if you’re already a published author, I highly recommend this film to you. It will hurt, trust me. You’ll feel connected to Rory and even to the Old Man (Jeremy Irons). But it’s worth it because one thing this movie does do is let struggling writers know that you are not alone.