there is no me without you

What do you take me for?
Don’t you see the tears in my eyes?
I’ve bled for you
Cried for you
And you laughed at my scars
Do you expect me to apologize?
Do you expect me to beg?
Forgive me if I flip you off
and leave without a word
I’m fine on my own
I don’t need your false love
But I smile
When your screams echo at dawn
“There’s no me without you.”

it’s a long way down from here

Earlier this month I read Nick Hornby’s A Long Way Down and while the book had many amazing quotes, here are just a few I wanted to share with you. The ones that really spoke to me, at least.

Sensitive people find it harder to stick around.

…because sometimes it’s moments like that, real complicated moments, absorbing moments, that make you realize that even hard times have things in them that make you feel alive.

Human beings are millions of things in one day.

It’s a currency like any other, self-worth. You spend years saving up, and you can blow it all in an evening if you so choose.

Hard is trying to rebuild yourself, piece by piece, with no instruction book, and no clue as to where all the important bits are supposed to go.

hellbent on trying to survive

We’ve got a long way to go
Winds are howlin’
I can feel it in my bones
Are we drownin’?

We were two ships in the night
Passing by in the pale moonlight and capsized
We were two ships in the night
Hellbent on trying to survive and capsized

strange new things are happening here

This year’s resolution includes working harder to post at least once a week. I’ve missed blogging and with this first post of 2015, I’m reviewing a book I finished this month.¬†One that took me a month to read, due in part to me completing my current story, Unbreakable Heart. A co-worker of mine told me about¬†The Book of Strange New Things by Michel Faber, an ARC we received at work. If the name sounds familiar it’s because he wrote The Crimson Petal and the White, which was turned into a Starz’s mini-series if I remember correctly. Well, he told me I had to read this book because I’m one of the few people he knew who’d appreciate it’s oddness. And writing, of course.

First, let’s start with the plot: Peter is a minister, sent to a distant planet called Oasis in order to preach the word of God to the alien lifeforms that live there. They wish to know more about the Bible, what they call “The Book of Strange New Things.” So, Peter leaves his wife and everything he’s known for the trip of a lifetime.

Seems pretty straightforward, huh, but that’s the easy blurb. This novel has a lot more to it, so much that it would take a year’s worth of posts to explain every little story line. Peter is our main character and it’s ultimately his story, we stick with him throughout the tale. And what a tale it is. It’s not fully science-fiction, not fully religious propaganda, and not fully fantasy. It’s … honestly, strange. No pun intended. The description of the aliens will make your skin crawl. The base, where Peter meets the other humans sent to work on the planet, will leave you suspicious, and the disasters happening on Earth ever since his departure will leave you worried for the future. There were moments I felt Faber had wrapped his fingers around my wrist and twisted the skin trapped beneath. It tightens, burns, and winds up sore afterwards. That’s how I felt reading this book. I mean, there is no other way to describe it.

I’ll be honest. If I casually picked this up in a bookstore I’d probably return it to the shelf. This book was way out of my comfort zone, but in the end, that’s the main reason I enjoyed it so much. You cannot properly convey the way this story made you feel, as you saw from my previous comments, but it’s a story that won’t be forgotten. I will remember these aliens and I will remember the messages Peter’s wife sends him, detailing the horrible events happening on Earth. And I will remember the beautiful craft Faber writes with. The length of the novel may seem a bit daunting. As I stated earlier, it took me a month to read, but don’t let it discourage you. I urge any who wish to try something different, something new, and dare I say, something strange, to pick this novel up. I may not have done a good job at describing my overall take of the story, but again, that’s where it shines. A very interesting first novel of 2015. Nothing I read from now on will compare to this one and that, in and of itself, is my review of Michel Faber’s The Book of Strange New Things.

The shortest month is the longest

February 2014 is certainly going down as one for the books. In a nutshell here’s what happened this month:

I was hit by a snow plow; got whiplash, bruises, and soreness from said accident; discovered my sister is having a boy; had my aunt admitted to the hospital for a body infection; she’s since gotten well enough to go home; fell behind on my revisions; had to begin handwriting my revisions just to get something done; started cutting back on vanilla lattes and instead switched to chai tea with soy milk; had my brand new car (6 days old) totaled due to the accident when we thought for a week that it was going to be repairable; got promoted at work; suffered endless headaches due to the stress all of this accident aftermath has caused; fell behind on workout routine due to accident; preparing to file a lawsuit against the plow driver and his company; celebrated my sister’s and best friend’s birthday; figuring out a day to go get another new car; waiting with baited breath for this month to be over

February has indeed thrown a shit ton of stuff my way. It’s tested my limits and pushed me to the brink of insanity. Even when I got good news like the promotion and reveal of my nephew I could barely process it since my brain was too preoccupied with the bad. My family has been incredibly supportive, helping me as I trudge through this muddy mess. I know I will come out on top stronger and more experienced, but my God… Enough is enough, February.

The victims have been bled

White on white translucent black capes
Back on the back

Bela Lugosi’s dead
The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box

Bela Lugosi’s dead
Bela Lugosi’s dead
Undead undead undead
Undead undead undead

The darkness of my mind

My faults are my own
They will forever be cruel
Shoving me into oblivion
Do not follow
I would never wish this for you
Let me sink
No matter how far I fall
I still see your face
On the edge
You wait
Patiently
Do not jump in after me
Just be there with open arms
I’ll resurface in time
Knowing that you are there
I always will